For quite some time now I’ve been chief cook and bottle washer at Casa Creakingbones.

The reasons why I’ve become such a domesticated and sensitive new age guy(SNAG) are complicated but suffice too say they form part of life’s rich tapestry.

The other day  SWMBO and I had breakfast at one of the local cafes. After we had eaten and paid the bill I concluded that as I was such a kitchen master, from then on brecky would be served at home.

To simplify and speed up the process I visited all of the local stores and dare I saw it, Dr Google, searching for swift bacon cooking devices and multi egg poachers in gas stove top, microwave and electric format. This was in spite of the fact that over time I’ve purchased frying pans, both non stick and pure stainless steel,  in every dimension available and a four egg stove top poacher.

Anyway, after doing my ‘research’ I settled on a magic microwave bacon cooker and an four egg electric egg poacher. Both of which I must add came complete with multi page instruction manuals that even outlined how to turn the appliances on and even wash them after use.

Now, today is the day I decided to christen these magic items, having spent the best part of last night studying the instructions.

Four slices of bread went into the toaster as per usual, nothing new there.

Eight rashers of bacon, rind etc left on  went into the magic deluxe microwave bacon cooker which I placed into the microwave as per instructions, and set the the microwave on high for four minutes cook time. The instructions guaranteed crispy bacon would result.

Then, after carefully cracking four large eggs into pre buttered receptacles, I placed them into the egg poacher, poured in the required measure of water to create soft poached eggs and even replaced the list in accordance with the printed instructions.

All was ready. First I hit the toaster switch, then the microwave switch and then the poacher switch.

My timing was exact and in accordoned with the printed instructions. The toaster, that was on my autopilot setting and needed no instructions.

Hey Presto, everything finished on time.

I buttered the toast, extracted what had previously been described as bacon from the microwave and poured the runniest poached eggs ever seen onto our toast.

I took greatly care placing the bacon on the plates as I was afraid any miscalculation would shatter the china.

The only element of this breakfast fiasco that could be rated at 10/10 was my timing.

However,  visually it scored -10. Eatability, -10, taste, unable to evaluate as the content of each plate was swiftly tipped into the kitchen rubbish bin.

There was one labour saving element though. The cooking appliances did not need cleaning as they too have swiftly been delivered to the hard waste disposal bin.

Now I should point out, I have discovered  this morning that the preparation time for fruit salad and yogurt is a tad longer than preparing bacon and eggs.

On the table the fruit salad was colourful, healthy and tasty. The full cream vanilla flavoured yogurt was a wonderful accompaniment. Plates were absolutely empty as they were placed into the dishwasher. Didn’t even need rinsing.

Tomorrow’s breakfast is already planned. Cereals, fresh fruit, tea and coffee.

It’s back to basics at Cassa Creakingbones.

Hoo roo for now


  1. I knew it was going to end in disaster when i read of cooking gadgets! Line a grill pan with foil and cook bacon under tbe grill and the poached eggs in a saucepan of lightly simmering water with a dash of white vinegar (to help the white hold shape). Turn heat right down while eggs poach – simples! I’m sure there’ll be hot cross buns for Easter 😉

  2. Magic cooking devices never make good on their promises, and yet we continue to hope. When I had a microwave I used to place a folded paper towel on a chinet (do you have cardboard plates in Ausralia?). Onto the paper towel went a layer of bacon, then another folded towel and another layer of goodness. I ended with a folded towel on top. Nuked the whole thing for about 3 minutes or so and the bacon came out nice and crisp – for when you’re ready to venture once more beyond the basics. bon apetit.

  3. The microwave is beckoning, I think it feels rejected. Later this week your system will be tried. Down here we call ours paper plates and SWMBO and I use them all the time when we are out in the bush. No washing up, just a good hot fire does the trick.

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